I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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