Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
