Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
