We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
