totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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