You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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