Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
