we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
