alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
