Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
