I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
