Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
