If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
