There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
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I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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