Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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