she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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