Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
