Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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