Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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