I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
