you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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