I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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