batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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