I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
