glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my being single is dangerous.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
