two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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