My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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