I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
