hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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