omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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