Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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