Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
