He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
