Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
