After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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