Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
