haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
