i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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