he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
