We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
