why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
