Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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