She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
