yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize