i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
