we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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