hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
