In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
