A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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