If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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