not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
