So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
