so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i think i have herpe
just one?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
