God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
