the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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