The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
