There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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