you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
