im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You pole danced in your parka.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
