I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
