Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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