You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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