Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
