"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
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You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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