I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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