My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
