she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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