I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
