Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
