shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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