You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
