My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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