i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize