sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
