he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
