This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
