I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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