Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
