After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
