One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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