holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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