The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How external is "for external use only"?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize