Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
