no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
